Recipe: Mark’s Crispy Carnitas

When I saw a recipe for Carnitas on Mark’s Daily Apple earlier this month, I wasn’t really that intrigued.  But then I read the part about how you “carameliz[e] the pork in its own fat until the outside is perfectly browned and crisp” and suddenly my interest was piqued.  Pork, cooked – nay, caramelized! in its own fat sounds like my kind of party.  And so when I found myself in the pork section of my supermarket a few days later, I had plans for what I could do with a big hunk of meat if I were to bring it home.

Into the crock pot it went on a Saturday afternoon, and by the end of the day my house smelled warm, smokey, and delicious.  And then the not so pleasant part came – I had bought a bone-in cut of meat, not the boneless variety that the recipe called for.  So I spent a good half an hour with a fork in each hand, tearing the pork to bits, memories of the past week’s kettlebell workouts screaming in my forearms.  In other words, don’t be like me.  Buy boneless.

Mark’s Crispy Carnitas
Adapted from this recipe

Large boneless (3-4 pounds) or bone-in (6-8 pounds) pork shoulder
1 tbsp Salt
2 tsp Cumin
2 tsp Chili powder
2 tsp garlic powder
1 Cinnamon Stick
1 Bay Leaf
6 Garlic Cloves, halved
2 Yellow Onions, sliced

• Combine the salt, cumin, chili powder, and garlic powder.  Rub half of the mixture all over the meat; reserve the other half.
• Place the meat in your slow cooker and top with the cinnamon stick, bay leaf, garlic cloves, and onions.  Pour in ¾ cup water and cover.
• Cook on high for 3-4 hours or until tender and the fat has released from the meat.
• Using two forks and a bit of fortitude, shred the pork into bite sized pieces, and toss the shredded pork with the remaining seasoning.  (If making ahead of time or saving for leftovers, stop and refrigerate here.)
• On a cookie sheet, toss the pork with some of the fat from your slow cooker.  Bake in a 350 degree oven for 10-20 minutes or until as crispy as you’d like.

I served this with a big ol’ pile of pico de gallo and some guacamole.  Delicious!  And it only looked slightly odd when I packed that same awesome combo for lunch the next day.

My husband warmed up some corn tortillas and made them into tacos.  And for leftovers one day, he tossed in some barbecue sauce and ate it as pulled pork.  The three step process of slow cooking, shredding, and baking may take some time, but you’ll be rewarded with a big pile of savory goodness to last you the week.

Recipe: Zesty Chicken Slaw

Does anyone else hate naming recipes?  I never know what to call them.  You know, that thing where I put in some spices and a bit of mustard and oooh maybe some red pepper will work well.  I think the problem comes from putting a meal down in writing.  If I’m not cooking straight from a recipe, I’m winging it and there’s a pretty good chance I will never be able to duplicate it again.  In my house we refer to old meals with such endearing descriptions as That Chicken With The Sauce or The Meatloaf You Made That One Time That Was Spicy. My husband’s favorite meal is officially called Sausage and Bowties in Blush Sauce but he refers to it as Pasta With the Sauce and the Sausage.  And it works for us.

I feel like I’m using a lot of Italics here.

Zesty Chicken Slaw
Makes 2 servings

8 oz Chicken Breast
1 tsp Seasoning*
1 bag Coleslaw Veggies (typically shredded cabbage and carrots)
1 tbsp Red Wine Vinegar
1 tbsp Dijon Mustard
Juice from ½ a Lime
1 tsp Chili Powder
¼ tsp Ground Ginger

*I use my favorite bottled seasoning mix that is mainly salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and cayenne pepper.

• Slice chicken breasts into thin strips and season.
• Heat a large non-stick skillet over medium-high heat.  Add the chicken and cook 3-4 minutes per side, depending on how large your pieces are, until cooked through.
• Reduce the heat to medium and add the coleslaw mix to the skillet.  Drizzle in vinegar and immediately cover, allowing the veggies to steam slightly.
• After 4-5 minutes (shorter if you like your cabbage crunchy, longer if you like it more wilted), remove the lid and add in the mustard, lime juice, chili powder, and ginger.  Toss to combine and ensure the mixture is heated through.

Enjoy!

This is super easy, super fast, and cooks all in one pan.  And it’s super low-cal and filled with veggies!  Keep in mind that if you were to microwave the leftovers, the cabbage will wilt further and smell more like sauerkraut.  Which is great, if you’re into that sort of thing, but I’m not – I like it crunchy!  I cook mine on the shorter side and then eat any leftovers at room temperature.

Recipe: Red Pepper Cauliflower Hummus

If you ask my husband, he’ll tell you that we eat entirely too much cauliflower in this house.  Actually, you don’t have to ask him – chances are he’ll tell you anyway.  The thing is that I love cauliflower and I do all of the cooking, so it’s only natural that we would eat a lot of cauliflower.  But since I’m so nice and sweet and accommodating and all that good stuff, I thought I’d find another way to feed it to him.  Cauliflower hummus.

The recipe came from the book Practical Paleo which I’ve had since September but am only now getting around to making things from.  I’m a procrastinator.  I love the author’s website, I love her podcast, I love her no-nonsese attitude toward making healthy choices.  But her original recipe was more of a “like” than a “love.”

No worries, the addition of some roasted red peppers gave it a wonderful depth of flavor that gave me exactly what I thought it was missing.  Next time I might throw in some sun dried tomatoes or raw garlic.  And that’s what is so awesome about this recipe.  It’s a wonderful base that you  can add almost anything to.  The cauliflower, besides being a wonderful way to eat more veggies, gives the same consistency and feel of the chick peas hummus is usually made of but without any of the nasty bean side effects.  Make this.  You’ll love it.

Red Pepper Cauliflower Hummus
Adapted from the book Practical Paleo

4 cups Cauliflower
2 tbsp Tahini
1/4 cup Olive Oil
1 tsp Salt
Juice of one lemon
Pinch of Cumin
1/2 cup Roasted Red Peppers

• Cut a head of cauliflower into florets and place in a steamer basket over 1″ water.  Cover and steam for 10-14 minutes or until cauliflower is tender.  (You could also buy two bags of the steam-in-bag cauliflower and microwave until done.)
• Add the steamed cauliflower and all remaining ingredients to a food processor and blend until smooth, stopping occasionally to scrape down the sides if needed.
• Enjoy with fresh chopped veggies!

Makes approximately 2 cups.

Recipe: Chili Seasoning

I had some meat in my freezer that I wanted to use.  Clearance meat, to be exact, that I was just tired of looking at in the freezer because there’s just something about clearance meat that screams “eat me already!”

I also wanted to make something warm since the nights have started to get that fall chill – the one that makes you want to fill your belly with warming, satisfying foods, foods best served out of a hot bowl held close to your chest, your sweatshirt sleeves pulled over your hands to protect them.  You know what I’m talking about.

I scrounged around my house and found that I had the makings for chili – some canned tomatoes, tomato paste, onions, peppers, and my two pounds of clearance pork.  But what I was lacking was any sort of chili seasoning.  I had looked at the supermarket a few weeks back for one, but (shocker!) all of the chili spice blends had sugar in them, and in my post-Whole30 world I’m still trying to avoid sugar where I can.

So I consulted a few recipes in cookbooks and online, dug into my spice cabinet, and came up with a warm but smoky chili seasoning.  It tasted wonderful in my chili (my husband remarked, “hmm, this tastes like chili”) and I can’t wait to try it as a dry rub on ribs or over sprinkled over some roasted fall veggies.  Sweet potatoes maybe?  Some parsnips?  Stirred into a butternut squash soup?  I’m so excited for fall!

Chili Seasoning
Most closely adapted from here

4 tsp Chili Powder
1 tbsp Crushed Red Pepper
2 tsp Garlic Powder
2 tsp Cumin
2 tsp Parsley
2 tsp Kosher Salt
1 tsp Basil
1 tsp Cinnamon
1 tsp Ground Cloves
¼ tsp Cayenne Pepper
Fresh ground pepper

Combine all ingredients and store in an air-tight container.

For a lazy man’s chili: Add two pounds assorted meat to your slow cooker, breaking up any ground meat into smaller chunks.  Mix in one small can of tomato paste, a 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes, a 15 oz can diced tomatoes, 1-2 diced onions, and a diced bell pepper.  Add 1/3 to 1/2 of the chili seasoning and stir well to combine.  Set the slow cooker to low and allow to cook for at least 4 hours, stirring occasionally.  Garnish with some sliced green onions or sour cream and freshly grated cheddar if you’re feeling dairy.

Recipe: The Easiest Guacamole

I will tell you a secret: I don’t like avocado.  The taste, the texture, just yuck.  Yuckity yuck.  But just because I hate something doesn’t mean I don’t occasionally cook with it (see also: Chocolate).  Guacamole has become my go-to party snack this summer.  It’s easy to make, people love it, and it’s Whole30/paleo/primal/sugar- dairy- gluten- animal-free.  Hooray for accommodating so many weird eating habits!  I had to bring something to an office pot luck this week, but being a car + train + walk commuter means I’m not lugging crock pots full of anything anywhere.   And this guacamole is so easy that you can (and I did) make it right in the office kitchen.

There are some tips to making guacamole, and my main one is this: you do not need to spend hours chopping away at vegetables.  In fact, the guacamole I’ve gotten the most compliments on is this one and there is almost no chopping involved!  Amazing!  Take the easy way out here, and spend the time you saved doing something more fun than playing with avocados.

For the ingredients, you only need avocados and prepared fresh salsa.  To assemble, breakout a knife, plate, bowl, spoon, and heavy bottomed glass.

And by fresh salsa, I mean not the stuff in the jars.  You can typically find this in the produce section. Check the ingredients, pretend it’s okay to refrigerate tomatoes, and move on.

Cut your avocado in halfsies around the pit.  Twist it oreo style to open.  Whack the pit with the edge of your knife and twist to remove.  Score it into smaller pieces, careful not to cut through the skin, and squeeze the green stuff onto your plate.

Now here’s the secret – for optimal guacamole consistency, don’t even think about picking up a fork.  Could you use your mortar and pestle?  Sure, but it’s a pain to wash.  You’re going to use the bottom of a heavy glass and smash that stuff to bits.

Add your smashed avocados to a bowl.  Drain some of the liquid off of your salsa and add it to the avocado.  Feel mighty and powerful knowing you’re in control here – a little salsa or a lot, it’s your choice.  As you mix them together you can gauge how much salsa you’re going to want mixed in.  If you’re feeling fancy, now is an excellent time to add a touch of fresh squeezed lime juice.

And there you have it!  Easiest guacamole ever.

Recipe: Roasted Cherry Cream Ice (and a smoothie!)

I made an awesome smoothie this weekend.  All the pieces came together serendipitously – cherries that weren’t quite sweet, cans of coconut milk, looking up lots of Whole30 recipes.  And my husband, who just had to stop at Chic-fil-A for a milkshake with me in the car (bad enough, right?) and then proceeded to go “mmmmm, this is soooo good” over and over and over again all the way home.  I swear he’s being supportive

It was 100 sticky New Jersey degrees outside and the milkshake experience inspired me.  There was no reason not to eat a frozen treat, even while doing the Whole30!

In the book It Starts With Food they say no paleo-ifying(?) foods with approved ingredients, and that little sentence really struck me.  One of the reasons I didn’t ever want to be “officially” paleo is because everywhere you look there are pictures and recipes of muffins, cupcakes, breads and other not-so-good-for-you foods that were deemed “okay” because they were made with paleo ingredients.  It’s also the issue I have with those vegetarians and vegans who eat food mocked up to resemble chicken/beef/pork “because it’s healthier.”  I don’t know about you, but if I’m jonesing for a cupcake (or a chicken nugget) I want it to be a real cupcake.  And one real cupcake is, in my mind at least, a better splurge than a whole tray of paleo-approved imitators.  I know (or I hope) that these imitation foods are the exception and not the rule, but that way of looking at food isn’t for me.  Just my two cents.  I’m not going to judge these choices just like I wouldn’t want people to judge mine.  Mini-rant over.

So it may sound contradictory that I made this faux ice cream the other night, but I decided for myself that combining three ingredients in a simple way does not constitute extraordinary measures or whatever way I’m going to keep paleo-ifying in check.  And I wasn’t making it because I was craving ice cream.  I wanted something cold and creamy, not necessarily something sweet.

I will say that this was really good (as good as a person four days into a sugar free life can imagine) and definitely satisfied my frozen-tooth.  My husband mixed his bowl with a packet of stevia and gave it the highest praise: “I can’t tell that it isn’t ice cream!”

Roasted Cherry Cream Ice
(Get it? Because it’s not ice cream, it’s creamy ice.  Or something.)

Fresh Cherries
1 tbsp Coconut Oil
2 cans Coconut Milk

• Wash and stem your cherries.  How many cherries?  Ehh, I don’t know, depends on how much you like cherries.  I filled my baking sheet about half way.
• Toss your cherries with the liquid coconut oil on a rimmed baking sheet.  If you set your air conditioner at 80 like me, your coconut oil will already be liquid.  If not, heat it up a tad.
• Place the cherries in a 400 degree oven for 20-25 minutes.  When time is up, allow the cherries to cool out of the oven for 30 minutes.  Once cool and while wearing fashionable latex gloves (for reals), squeeze the pits from each cherry.
• Option 1: Place your pitted cherries into a food mill and process, discarding skins and leftover bits.  Add the puree to a bowl with the coconut milk and whisk to combine.
• Option 2: Combine your pitted cherries with the coconut milk in a blender (or in a bowl with an immersion blender) and pulse to combine.
• Add the mixture to the bowl of your ice cream maker and operate as per your machine’s instructions.  Or you could just freeze it, stirring once every 20 minutes for the first hour or two to give it an ice cream like consistency.

The steps make it sound complicated, but it was really easy.  Basically: stem, roast, pit, blend, freeze.  And it gave me another thing to make with my food mill!  There are a lot of recipes that I’ve found for coconut milk ice cream that skip the ice cream maker step, but I had one so why not throw it in?  Though it did start to overflow at about 25 minutes in – that’s a good sign that it’s time to turn it off.

The cream ice will get rock hard in the freezer, but moving it to the fridge for an hour or so before eating loosens it up to the perfect consistency!

I threw this into some unsweetened almond milk* with some blueberries and made a super awesome amazing smoothie!  Totally worth all of the blueberry pieces stuck in my teeth for the rest of the night!  And the colors are so pretty – made me want to run to the hardware store for my favorite pastime of browsing paint chips.

*I don’t know if carton almond milk is Whole30 approved, and the internetz seem divided over this issue.  Mine had none of the specifically called out no-no’s so I thought it was okay.  Two smoothies killed off the rest of it anyway so I think I’ll just not buy any more until I’m finished.

Recipe: Bacon Bleu Spinach Salad

I feel really silly calling salad recipes “recipes” because really it’s just an assembling of ingredients. But I have a new-found love of this pizza place favorite so I thought I’d share my passion with a mouthwatering photo and assembly instructions.

Most pizza places or small Italian restaurants have a version of spinach salad on their menu, and if they don’t have it exactly the way I like it they usually have the ingredients to make it that way. The bacon, onions, and bleu cheese give the salad so much flavor that you won’t need dressing. But we can’t all eat at Generic-Italian-Surname Pizza Place whenever we’re craving salad. That’s why I love this one – it’s easy to assemble at home, super delicious, and packed full of yummy fats and proteins.

Bacon Bleu Spinach Salad
Go forth and assemble

2 Big Handfuls of Baby Spinach
1 oz Bleu Cheese Crumbles
4 oz Grilled Chicken, Sliced
2 slices Thick Cut Bacon, Cooked and Crumbled
Red Onion Slices

• Layer the ingredients on a large plate, starting with the spinach as a base and topping with the chicken. Enjoy!

Sometimes I’ll throw some chopped hard-boiled egg on the salad or slice up some button mushrooms. Or if I’m bringing this to a party or serving guests, I’ll whip up a warm bacon dressing for the top. Bacon fat dressing = amazing, plus the warmth of the liquid will wilt the spinach leaves ever so slightly.

Warm Bacon Dressing

3 Tbsp Bacon Grease
1 large or 2 small shallots, minced
3 Tbsp Balsamic Vinegar
½ Tbsp Dijon Mustard

• Using the pan you cooked your bacon in, remove all but 3 tablespoons of bacon grease. Return the pan to medium-high heat and sauté the shallots until cooked, 2-4 minutes.
• Turn off the heat and whisk in balsamic vinegar and Dijon mustard. Continue whisking 1-2 minutes or until all ingredients are thoroughly combined.
• Finish with fresh ground black pepper and allow to cool slightly before pouring over the salad.

OMG, Seriously Neapolitan Smoothie

Remember when Neapolitan ice cream was all the rage? Or rather, before you bought your own ice cream and your parents hid from you the fact that there were such exotic flavors in the world as butter pecan and rocky road, and so the only ice cream that ever made it into your house was Neapolitan? We were a savory household when I was growing up, not sweet, so ice cream wasn’t a regular thing. When it did make its way into our freezer it was that ubiquitous Breyers carton with the chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla stripes. We would slowly pick away at our respective favorite flavors, but by the end of the carton it had all melted together. That’s kind of what this smoothie tastes like – a bit of vanilla, a hit of strawberry, and a subtle chocolate taste.

Perhaps it was because I just finished catching up on episodes of Suburgatory I had missed while away, but as soon as I tasted it the character Dalia’s voice found it’s way into my head: “Oh my god, seriously you guys?” Because that’s how I summed up everything my taste buds were telling me.  Then I thrust the straw at my husband and he agreed, this is a good ass smoothie.

The chocolate comes from Dark Chocolate Dreams.  Ever tried it?  It’s a chocolate peanut butter spread that you can put on things like bananas or toast but which I feel is best eaten directly off of a spoon after dinner. You can find it with the peanut butter and it’s relatively cheap. Plus you could add a touch of cocoa powder if you wanted more of a chocolate taste in the finished product. I used up the carton of bright, beautiful strawberries that we picked up from our local farmer’s market this weekend, but frozen would work just as well.

OMG, Seriously Neapolitan Smoothie
Makes 1 serving

1 cup Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk
1 scoop Vanilla Protein Powder
8 oz Fresh Strawberries
1 tbsp Dark Chocolate Dreams

Combine all ingredients in your favorite blender and blend until smooth. Add ice and blend until you reach your desired consistency.

Tastes like a milk shake – for reals.

Calories: 285 cal, 10 g fat, 23 g carbs, 29 g protein

Recipe: Sriracha Shrimp Pasta

I pulled this recipe out of my . . . well, I’ll let you use your imagination there.  One night last week I got home after yoga and knew that I wanted pasta, shrimp, and Sriracha, I wanted them all together, and I wanted them warm.  Generally when I get home from yoga it’s so late and I’m so hungry that I stand around my kitchen and say “I don’t know what I want!” for a good 30-45 minutes.  So to know what I actually wanted to eat – that was a joy in and of itself!  Both my husband and I were surprised and happy with how well this came out.  If you’re looking for a pasta, shrimp, spicy dish, this one came together nicely with ingredients that are easy to keep on hand.

Sriracha Shrimp Pasta
Makes 4 servings

1 lb shrimp, thawed
½ cup red wine
8 oz whole wheat spaghetti
1 yellow onion, diced
1 tsp oil
15 oz diced canned tomatoes
½ cup frozen green peas
4 tsp Sriracha chili sauce

• Place the shrimp in a bowl with the red wine and set aside.  Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, and cook the spaghetti until al dente.
• While the pasta is cooking,  heat oil over medium high heat and add the onion, cooking 3-5 minutes.
• Add the canned tomatoes, peas, and Sriracha, and increase the heat to high.  Cook 5 minutes to allow liquid to cook off.
• Add in the shrimp and wine.  Cook for 4-5 minutes or until the shrimp are pink on both sides and cooked through.  Serve over pasta.

Shrimp and spice work so well together, and soaking the shrimp in wine before cooking gives them a nice, fuller bodied flavor while providing a good dose of lean protein.  I’m not a huge fan of whole wheat pasta, but this type of light, spicy sauce really complements it.  The peas were more for color when putting it together, but in the end they provided a really nice texture to each bite. The chili sauce provided a nice bit of heat that stopped me from devouring the whole bowl in two minutes.  I do like more of a sweet chili flavor, so next time I might add a touch of stevia or other sweetener to the sauce, but it’s wonderful without.

If you find yourself in a similar post-yoga need for a shrimp Sriracha pasta, go for it!  You’ll be happy with the results.

Makes 4 servings.  Per serving: 366 cal, 4 g fat, 47 g carbs, 30 g protein

Recipe: Grain- and Dairy-Free Fruit and Nut Bars

This is not a low calorie recipe. I repeat: This is not a low calorie recipe.  Just thought I’d warn you, because once you try these you are going to want to devour the entire pan in one sitting.  So be forewarned, internet friends, and get your willpower all straightened out before you head into the kitchen to make these little goodies.

Grain-Free Fruit and Nut Bars
Adapted from this recipe at JoyfulAbode

1 cup dried fruit (I used a combination of figs and papaya)
2.5 cups Mixed Nuts, divided
2 cups shredded unsweetened coconut
½ tbsp flax seed
¼ cup coconut oil
½ cup honey
1 tbsp vanilla extract
Cinnamon

• Roughly chop the dried fruit, making the pieces roughly the size of a raisin, and place in a large bowl.  Roughly chop 1 cup of mixed nuts and place in the bowl.  Add the remaining 1.5 cups of nuts to a food processor and pulse until finely chopped.  Add the processed nuts to the bowl along with the coconut and flax.  Stir to combine and set aside.
• In a small saucepan over medium low heat, stir together the coconut oil, honey, vanilla extract, and cinnamon.  You want a whole lot of cinnamon here.  Flip your shaker bottle over, squeeze it a few times, then squeeze it a few times more.  A small cinnamon dust cloud may or may not make its way into your lungs.
• Heat the honey mixture, stirring continuously, until it begins to bubble.  Stop stirring and allow the mixture to bubble 45 seconds.  Pour the heated mixture over your nut mixture and stir to combine.
• Firmly press the mixture into a parchment lined baking dish and allow to cool several hours before cutting into individual bars.

When I say *firmly press* I mean it – you’ve got to be tough with these because you want gravity and compression to work on your side to hold them together.  After I got them all pressed into the dish, I covered the top with more parchment, covered the surface with two stacks of books, and topped all that off with my beloved 25 pound kettlebell.  They held together pretty well, but a bit crumbly.  Next time I might throw them in a low temperature oven or my food dehydrator to dry them out a bit after I’ve cut them.

If you like nuts, you’ll love these.  If you like things that are wonderfully mild in sweetness, you’ll love these.  Honey, nuts, and fruit just go together oh so nicely, don’t you think?  Wrapped in plastic wrap, these make a great snack on the go – perfect for a long bike ride or to keep in your gym bag for whenever you need a boost.  Are these high in calories?  Yes.  Could I have cut them a little smaller?  Sure.  But the bulk of the calories comes from the nuts and coconut oil, both high calorie and high fat things that are pretty good for you.  Enjoy them!

Makes 12 bars.  Per bar: 334 cal, 24 g fat, 24 g carbs, 6 g protein
*The actual calories in 2.5 cups of nuts can vary depending on what type of nut.  Bigger nuts (like the burly Brazil nut) will obviously take up more room per ounce than the petite hazelnut.  These numbers were calculated using 9 oz of mixed nuts, because that’s what 2.5 cups weighed out to for me.  If you care about counting calories, don’t guess on calorie dense foods like nuts – show your food scale some love.